______________________________________________________________________

I have been going through a lot of blogs in iland lately and almost 1 out of every 10 (maybe even more) is on the topic of love. And these are some of the excerpts that I could gather… ‘ True love is eternal’, ‘True love is flawless’, ’True love is giving’…

All this has got me thinking … have I ever truly fallen in true love?? Or is it just some illusion that I have been going through?...So I have decided to divide my life into phases to see if I have ever been in the true love category… so here it goes …!!!

Phase 1(Music: unknown): My first kiss was in 1^st Standard (don’t raise your eyebrows … I was brought up abroad … children learn very quickly!! ;-)).   A girl has asked me to become her boy friend with a kiss.. I promptly said yes!!! All we used to do was have lunches together and I remember pushing her on the swing.. This ended pretty quickly though I cannot recall the time frame.

Phase 2(Music: POP ; MJ, Back street boys): With my first break, I thought things will be easy for me but things changed very quickly (Phase 1 was just a flash in the pan) , It was in 9^th standard  that I fell in love again … It was the most fantastic feeling I had ever got.. I would dream about her during classes .. would buy her small knick knacks with lunch money… used razors to cut her name on my wrist..Sang for her below her building with my gang of idiots on valentines day .. and have done many more outrageous stuff .. including getting almost expelled from school for getting rough with a teacher who had made some lousy joke about her in class (ended with a week in suspension)… I could do anything for her … for me love was pure … didn’t even want to take it to there physical level because I thought it would hurt her .. I would have killed for her … if her heart wished for that even for a second...

Phase 3(Music: RAP/Metal ; coolio, tupac, Marilyn mansion, children of bodom):  Then she had to leave the country cuz her dad got fired and we ended up trying the long distance relationship for a while but it faded away in the end (she started dating my worst known enemy in school J)… but it had ended long before we actually said anything… This phase is actually the “no- women phase”. I personally had a lot of fun in this phase … was carefree .. hung out with friends .. indulged in hooliganism .. including spray painting , shoplifting for food, damaging public property… we were absolute rebels and loving it … I want to call this my ‘gangsta phase’.

Phase 4(Music: Old school rock; Maiden, metallica): And then I fell in love again… but this time was a little different.. There was no spiking hormones, no testosterone driven mad man acts; but it was beautiful!!..  my favorite days started with getting up after dreaming about her.. I still remember every facet of her.. her hair..smile .. the way she laughed..the way she gave her ‘you rascal’ look..

But sadly the love was not reciprocated .. I remained a friend but nothing more than that… I still had hope of winning her until she got into a relationship. And that broke me… I had never felt jealousy for anyone like I felt towards him..  I have always felt that all the following phases wouldn’t have occurred if this one had worked… you know what they say .. the heart yearns the most for what it cannot get..

Phase 5(Music: Rock/Hip Hop; Linkin park, p diddy, eminem):  This phase is what almost every guy has in some point of his life…. Where the concept of love gets replaced with the concept of getting laid!!! J.. This phase was pretty happening .. lots of one night stands .. lots of booze .. weed.. and a whole lot of other stuff.. Not particularly proud of this phase though … have hurt some people I shouldn’t have.

Phase 6(Music: Alternative; Greenday, Match box 20, Three doors down): And then I fell in love again (I love this line!!!:-))  … This time it was mature … more quiet dinners than crazy parties… more quality time with each other , talking to each other is good enough to pass time .. we did not need to do extravagant things to make it look great… I am usually lazy and she helps me get things done.. I cry on her shoulder when I am stressed and she does the same.. I would probably want to stop at this phase .. but I know life is uncertain and I don’t know where it will take me next.

So if u ask me if have ever experienced true love by definition ; I would say ‘I don’t know’. And if I were given the choice to give up any of my phases for the one true love.. I would say no.... because I am the person that I am through my experiences …  and I love me J.

This life is finite … most of us are in love with the concept of ‘true love’ rather than love itself. We lose the best things that could happen to us just by waiting for the sensation of true love. There will be flaws in any person in this world, and butterflies flying and head spinning is just something your head creates (I get this when I see my boss [esp. if he’s expecting a deliverable from me J]). So go ahead and take a plunge rather than waiting.. or look at the brighter side of the people you are with  or move on if you are recouping from a lost true love  ..because God only helps those… who help themselves.